24 is the new 25

my mom always said that she never felt grown-up until she was 25. well, i am beginning to think that 24 is the new 25.

i went home this past weekend because my mother was diagnosed with cancer in december. her surgery was scheduled for february 6, and i knew i needed to be with her for it.

i've felt incredibly varied emotions in the week leading up to the trip as well as the trip. going home is not cheap, taking time off work is not simple, but i have never felt more at home and never felt so much gratitude to be with my family.

past trips home felt more like i was satiating their need to see me, not mine to see them. i loved them, of course, but doing things and going places took precedence in my mind. not this time. i was happy to make dinner for my family so that my mom could rest. i was even happier to sit and watch a favorite movie of theirs with my parents and my brother and his fiancee. it was quiet, it was secure, and it just was what it was. it wasn't just another trip home; it now had a limit, and it now had meaning.

while making dinner, i looked up at some little chicken figurines my mom had on the counter. one was over on the otherside of the stove, while the other two were still sitting by the mother hen. i instantly realized without asking that it was my mom's way of saying i'd flown the nest. cliche? sure. but i didn't feel scared about it because it was true: my home is in an over-priced studio apartment in DC, not the quiet farmhouse at the top of the hill in Silverwood, Michigan. things have changed, things are changing, and they will change again. this time though i was truly happy to be home, and happy that i was able to be with my family in a trying time.